Sunday, December 11, 2011

Tonight's Theme:Poop

If you aren't a parent you may just not even want to read this. It could be disturbing or you could laugh your butt off at the insane things us parents have to deal with. Every night at about 5pm I start sending anger texts to my husband and/or other people who realize I'm insane. I can be so calm all day long but something happens to my patience and my kids start to act like wild animals at 5pm.

9 times out of 10 dinner ends up on the floor. The other two meals of the day usually go off without a hitch but for whatever reason dinner just never makes it in their mouths. This is when having a dog came in handy. My handsome little boy who chooses to not sleep, ever, has now decided that during every meal he eats he must poop. Who seriously thinks about pooping while eating?! Then after he poops he refuses to eat another bite until you change him. Tonight the girls were poking each other with forks over and over in the face. About the 4th eye stab and dinner was over.

Kylie even at age 4 has not mastered the whole wiping her self after she uses the bathroom. Ive tried to find every way possible so she's not sitting on the toilet screaming " I need you to wipe me!!!" That got old fast. Tonight she failed miserably and I had already had it with all of them. I put the girls in the tub and then tried to get Bentley to calm down because little do you all now but from 6:45-7:30 he is actually close to near death every night. Next thing I know the girls are doing their high pitch girl squeal as loud as they can. What do you know more POOOP. Delainey pooped in the bathtub. I want to say this is at least the 5th time she's done it. I don't think Kylie ever did this and if she did she was pretty young. Kylie is smart and just stands on the side of the tub. Delainey on the other hand is standing in the middle of the bath screaming and crying poop. Well darling I did not poop in the tub so please don't scream at me like I did something to hurt you. After cleaning the tub I was not about to have the hair washing fight. I washed their bodies off and was done.

They were all in bed by 7:55. Bentley is in his crib and I am hoping for one dang good night of sleep!

Cooking Chaos

Are you one of those people that uses every utensil in the kitchen to cook one thing? When you scramble an egg do you dirty at least 5 things? People like this drive me up the wall. My mom does this. I always wondered why she had 18 spatulas and mixing bowls. By the time she is done baking a cake no one can eat dinner because everything is dirty.

I'm exact opposite. Until the other day I never thought about it. I'm probably the strangest person I know. I go to great lengths to use the least amount of things to cook. I have it down to a science. When I eat eggs I use one fork for the whole process. First I put the butter in the pan, {cutting it with the fork} scramble the egg, rinse off the fork and use it to eat with. I can't stand using so many utensils for one dang meal.

Not only do I savor my one utensil but I clean as I cook. It probably takes me an extra 15 minutes to cook anything because I'm cleaning after every ingredient. My theory behind this is when I'm done, I'm done. There's no huge mess to clean, nothing to put away and silverware to eat with. My husband would often tell me to sit down and eat dinner instead of cleaning but I don't want to clean after I eat. I want to rinse my plate off and go relax. I think after a while he realized if he didn't let me finish then he'd be the one cleaning it all up.

Do you ever notice strange things you do? I think Ryan would say 99% of the time the ways I do things are strange. I brush my teeth in the shower, I eat in my bed, I keep socks for years in hopes to find the match, and I can make a bottle of shampoo last a year!

Until Ryan and I lived together I didn't realize how many things I had to have done a certain way. I'm slightly OCD and have to clean 24/7. My poor kids can't ever have toys out longer than 45 minutes or I start freaking out needing to clean it up. I'd like to say in the last few months I've lightened up some and try to let them enjoy being kids. But who knows when you will have a surprise visit at the door. Maybe you could finally win that million dollars in the Publishers Clearing House you've signed up for years. Or the HGTV dream house. I obviously sign up for way too many give aways expecting to one day win. In fact the day I thought they were going to announce the urban oasis winner I was telling my mom she couldn't go out of town because one of us was going to win. A girl can hope right?! I sign up for the dumbest things and have yet to win but you guys just wait!!

What are your strange habits? I'd love to hear I'd anyone is stranger than me.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Holidays and Deployments

The holidays can make a deployment all the more dreadful. We are fortunate enough to be able to spend the holiday season with my husband this year. In fact he is my "holiday husband" right now because that is the only time I see him. Ryan left for boot camp in October 2006 so we started our adventure into the military world in full force with holidays alone, while I was pregnant with our first child. He quickly deployed August 2007 and missed Thanksgiving. He then left again June 2008 and missed all holidays that year. 2009, 2010 and now 2011 we have been incredibly grateful for each other over the holiday season.

The key to a successful holiday season alone is distractions. Plan as many things as you think your little body can handle. If you don't have kids, take off work and go visit family. There is no reason to sit alone and mope over something you can not change. If you have kids plan fun activities. There is so much to do over the holiday season. Turkey hand prints, make place mats for the Thanksgiving Day table, ornaments, go see Santa, decorate the tree, and the list can keep on going. Think of new ways to do things while he is away.

Don't ever limit what you are involved in because you don't have your husband there to join you. I so often see wives say oh I can't do that because my husband isn't home and we always do that together. Well if you enjoy it just go with friends. We sacrifice a lot as military spouses to be at home waiting for that perfect date and time to pop up in our email. No reason to not enjoy our lives while they are gone just the same as when they are home. I seem to always find a "buddy" when my husband is gone. That one person where no matter what time of day you can talk to and complain to. The one who complains the same way to you and you don't get tired of hearing each other whine and cry over the dumbest things. A healthy way to fill the void of not being able to talk to your husband. May I suggest a fellow military spouse, possibly even one in the same unit as your husband. Makes it easy when they know exactly what and where your husband is. Never feel guilty for having a smile on your face while he is away. I promise our husbands do not want us to be sitting at home miserable.

Another key thing to remember is, its okay to be sad. It is very hard to sit at the mall watching all those people shop together for Christmas presents. Or Christmas morning alone with your kids can be emotional because their Daddy isn't there to see it. Take a million pictures and send your husband a 27 page email about the day. If he has limited time on the computer it may take him 4 weeks to read it but hey you kept him involved right? I try my hardest to think positive. When I had our first born son while my husband was deployed I never broke down. I kept reminding my self that it did not matter that he was not there for the birth because he would meet him in a few months. So many of them are killed over seas and never meet their kids. That is far worse than Ryan meeting his son at 4 months old.

Care packages are an excellent way to make you feel like you're keeping your husband involved in the holidays. Theme the box. Decorate the sides of the box with holiday paper and make everything inside go along with your theme. Let the kids draw pictures and pick out things to put in it. I'm not sure I ever follow post office instructions. I want to say you aren't supposed to send carbonated drinks but I did in almost every box. Once you start to figure out how long packages are taking to get to him you can figure out what baked goods will still be good. If he's on a MEU forget it. Send all processed food. Hell and put it all in Ziploc's because it will not make it.

My favorite care package story is when I discovered you can not send alcohol. My husbands last care package on his second deployment I shipped goody bags for him and a few friends for the flight home. I included jager bombs. Little bottles of jager and a red bull for each guy. After I left the post office I called a friend and said "Yeah I'm so excited for them to get their box to find the jager bombs." "Meridith, it's illegal to ship liquor." Oops. Not only did I ship it, I shipped it out of the country. So note to self: It is illegal to ship liquor!

I often feel like during deployments the world is crashing down around me. The kids are going insane, I don't sleep, don't have time to eat and I just want to give up. Then you read the email you got a few days earlier and your nerves are calm and back in your happy place. It's okay to break down so long as you get up, put your big girl pants on and carry on with this crazy and adventurous life style! If you'd like to read other military spouses ways of getting through the holidays, go  here. Or for general military support you can go here.

Remember to keep positive and just enjoy life over the holidays, may I suggest watching Ellen. She is my sanity!! :) Happy Holidays!

Talented Two's

Whom ever started the "Terrible Two's" thing was completely wrong. Its "Talented Two's". It's like over night on their birthday they just become so talented and can do everything them selves. Everything is, I do I do and No Help!

Delainey is being diagnosed with this as we speak. She does not want help doing anything. Getting in the car is like a 30 minute process. You can not lift her into the car, that she has to do alone. You can't buckle her seat unless she instructs you to do so. And don't you dare try or you'll make it all the more difficult. She is under the impression that her jackets are not to be worn in her car seat as well.

All of a sudden at age two they can open fruit snacks, juice boxes and yogurt. They scream and grunt to try open it them selves then finally turn to you and ask for help. I just want to look at her and say "Well dumb dumb I tried to help you 25 minutes ago but you were being stubborn.

Getting dressed is all the rage in our house. Picking out our own clothes leaves my kids looking homeless but some days I do not have the patience to fight it. Delainey, 2, often tries to put on clothes her self and ends up with 4 shirts on but no pants. The thought process on that makes no sense. Or she will have night pants on with a dress? I try to set out outfits at night so she doesn't fight it. If its already picked out she just puts it on, by her self. She thinks dresses are to be zipped in the front so SHE can zip them. I have to convince her that whatever pretty picture is supposed to be on the front is so pretty she needs to look at it. She has such a big head that she screams for 20 minutes every day trying to get her shirt over her head, little does she know if she hands it to Mommy she can unbutton it!

Please pay close attention to my 4 year olds outfit.
Purple leggings with a pink and black dress?
We had almost 45 people over that day for a Birthday party.
I was clearly not caring to fight with her!

I love to watch my kids grow and learn new things. Having patience is the only thing that can get you through these years of them not really being able to do things they think they can!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Life in general has been insane, not just my kids. I have found that I find comfort in food. I think about food to make me happy. Luckily my metabolism is daah shnit or I would 400 lbs by now.

Today I was at Ihop and I ordered chocolate chip pancakes, the lady said "Do you want chocolate chocolate chip?" Is that even a question, of course I do.

My husband found out a week before Thanksgiving that we are now moving the end of January. Ain't that so sweet of the Marines to mess up every plan I had. Not to mention we now have to step up our game on turning in housing papers. Which I now got what I think is everything turned in. We also have to leave our current house a month before our lease is up. I'm waiting for that argument. Of course my husbands orders aren't working so I'm not able to turn in our 30 day notice until I can attach that to it! Then I'm like oh lanta I have got to start packing. Maybe one day I will get the hang of this military life style but for now, CAN WE JUST STAY IN ONE HOUSE, PAHHHLEASE!?

Lately I have been going out and doing a lot more things with the kids. Having a massive car that holds 18 strollers and/or babies helps make it easier. We go to parks, the mall, Target {3x a week}, and really just anywhere. We were doing really good on embarrassing outburst until last week. This one was so good that I didn't even get embarrassed I found it hilarious. Is it bad that I laugh at the things my kids do?

So we are at the mall with a friend I hadn't seen in a few years. I was very glad to of gotten to see her. She also has a 4 year old little girl who is adorable, and she is pregnant. Her little girl wanted a drink and Kylie of course refused to drink the juice I had brought with us and being the none cash holder I am my friend offered to buy Kylie one. Now the girls share things all the time. I don't find it necessary to buy them each something when they wont drink or eat it all. So I told Kylie in the beginning you have to share with Delainey. Kylie drank some then went to play. Delainey was then chugging the juice and Kylie caught glimpse of it. She came running over to rip it out of her hand. Delainey starts screaming profusely as Kylie then starts chugging it as fast as she can so her sister cant get any. Delainey then throws up because she was screaming so hard. Meanwhile this old black lady is staring at me as if I was a horrible parent. I'm not sure what she expected me to do. I was trying to get the drink from Kylie but it just wasn't working. I cleaned up the puke, picked up Delainey and threw her in the stroller, still screaming. Put Bentley's seat on the stroller and started to deal with Kylie. She refused to put her shoes on. I was so not about to let her walk around the mall shoeless. She gets in the bottom of my stroller and insists on riding there. Fine by me, means I can run out of this mall and pretend like that never happened. My poor friend may be regretting having a second child after being with me for all of 2 hours!

They all fell asleep on the way home and I sat in the drive way for 30 minutes enjoying the peace and quiet!! Why on earth do our kids have it out for us? Or am I alone?